Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
