I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
