never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm like, not good at living.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think people are normalizing furries
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
