YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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