I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
