I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
