spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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