There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
worst night to have a conscience
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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