I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
