if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
