the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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