Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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