you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
