Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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