Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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