can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
