yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
