True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
