I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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