just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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