I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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