the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
