3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
