Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
