You can't special order awesome
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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