so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize