I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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