My first STD was from a foam party
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
