I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
