couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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