Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
