remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
