i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
