awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
