Jerry, you need to find god
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
