I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
