She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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