I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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