Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize