i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
