So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
