Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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