I can text with my tongue
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
