"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
