ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
