well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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