Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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