I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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