Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
