We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
