First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
