I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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