Whod you bang
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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