i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
