I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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