I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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