i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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