Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
