Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
