What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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