Four minutes until I can fart!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize