I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
