I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
