i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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