Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize