You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
