She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
