who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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