He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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