My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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