I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
